Feel Like You Always Have to Hold It Together? Try Leading with Vulnerability Instead
Rethink what strength looks like in uncertain times - and why it starts with being real
“Our ability to be daring leaders will never be greater than our capacity for vulnerability.”
Over the past few weeks, something unexpected has been surfacing in multiple conversations with coaching clients: vulnerability.
It surprises many leaders when I suggest that vulnerability isn’t just acceptable—it’s necessary. “But aren’t I meant to be composed and in control?” they ask. It’s a natural question. For many of us, leadership has long been painted as calm under pressure, always certain, never shaken.
But here’s the truth: vulnerability, far from being a flaw, is one of the most powerful leadership tools we have. It is, in fact, a key enabler of what I call adaptive stability—the ability to stay grounded and balanced in the face of uncertainty while flexibly responding to change.
Let’s unpack why vulnerability matters now more than ever.
The Power of Vulnerability
Picture a tree in a storm. The ones that survive aren’t the stiffest—they’re the ones with deep roots and flexible branches. They bend, they move with the wind, but they don’t break.
Vulnerability is like that flexibility. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to be real—and wise enough to adapt.
When leaders embrace vulnerability they unlock:
Trust That Sticks Vulnerability makes you relatable. Human. And that matters. Your team doesn’t need perfection—they need honesty. They want to know they’re safe to speak up, to risk an idea, to get it wrong. Vulnerability cultivates psychological safety, which, as Harvard Business School Professor Amy Edmondson’s research shows, is vital to innovation, engagement and effectiveness.
Resilience Through Shared Ownership
Cultures of Courage and Creativity
Jacinda Ardern: Vulnerability in Action
Few recent leaders have embodied vulnerable leadership like Jacinda Ardern. During the Christchurch mosque attacks, she stood in grief and solidarity, wearing a hijab, holding space for pain.
During the COVID-19 crisis, she spoke plainly from her home, acknowledging uncertainty and urging compassion. And in 2023, she modelled deep self-awareness by stepping down—naming her exhaustion with honesty and grace.
Each moment reminded us: leadership isn’t about being bulletproof. It’s about leading with empathy, integrity, and courage. Her forthcoming memoir A Different Kind of Power will no doubt offer more wisdom on what it means to lead from a place of authenticity.
Vulnerable vs Composed / Controlled Leadership
Here’s a quick snapshot of what vulnerable leadership looks like compared to leadership that focuses solely on control:
Simple Ways to Lead With More Vulnerability
If you’re curious about how vulnerability might serve you, here are some practical ways to explore it:
Admit When You Don’t Know Rather than trying to bluff your way through uncertainty, try saying, “I’m not sure yet, but let’s find out together.” It opens space for shared learning.
Share a Story of Struggle Let your team know about a time you found something hard—and what you learned from it. You don’t need to spill everything. Just enough to show your humanity and the lesson for you.
Ask for Feedback—And Listen It’s one thing to say “I want your input,” and another to truly welcome it. Ask your team what they need from you. And when they answer? Really listen and be open to their insights, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Where do I begin?
If you’re not sure where to begin, try asking yourself:
Where have I recently tried to maintain control, when honesty might have served me—and my team—better?
What might shift in my culture if I modelled more vulnerability?
What am I afraid might happen if I lead from a more authentic, open-hearted place?
At the Heart of It All
Adaptive stability isn’t about being rigid in the storm—it’s about knowing your roots and letting your branches move with the wind. Vulnerability helps you stay connected to your centre while responding to the world around you.
As Simon Sinek reminds us:
“A leader, first and foremost, is human. Only when we have the strength to show vulnerability can we truly lead.”
What would your leadership look like if you saw vulnerability not as a risk—but as a strength?
