How to Enjoy Festivities Without the Pressure to Be Perfect
By Suzie Thoraval
What really matters when you’re hosting family and friends as well as in leadership
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
The other day, I was talking with a colleague who had spent her morning packing Christmas hampers with a charity supporting people experiencing homelessness and working poverty. She described the care taken with each box — the essentials, a few treats, the dignity of offering something special at a time of year that can feel especially hard for those less fortunate.
As she talked, I felt my perspective shift.
Only moments earlier, I’d been mentally running through my own to-do list. I had been feeling that sense of busyness and the weight of everything I wanted to get done before the holidays. I'd been feeling that desire to ensure we had everything to make our celebration just so.
After that conversation, I paused, took a breath, and felt grateful for what I have rather than 'sweating the small stuff'.
Leaders experience this all the time. When demands pile up, our attention can become consumed by tasks and timelines. Perspective is often the first thing that is lost.
Presence over perfection
It reminds me of the best advice I received before my wedding day: remember to enjoy it all.
Months of planning had gone into that day. I cared deeply about the details: flowers, music, menu, seating, the photos. I wanted everything to be just right.
But a wise friend reminded me in the lead up, that if I was enjoying myself, everyone else would too. As the bride, my energy set the tone for the celebration.
This principle applies to hosting friends and family at this time of year. When we’re welcoming family and friends into our homes, it’s easy to feel responsible for everything being perfect. The food, the timing, the decorations.
Yet what people often respond to most isn’t those details — it’s how it feels to be there and be with you. If you’re relaxed, present and genuinely enjoying yourself, others take their cue from you.
Leadership works in much the same way. Whether we realise it or not, our teams take their cues from us. Our mood, our energy and our calm presence shape how others experience the moment.
When leaders are tense or preoccupied with getting everything perfect, that tension travels. When they’re present and grounded, others relax.
The pressure we feel — and why it’s so common
Our culture can create pressure for everything to look and feel a certain way at Christmas. There’s a lot of imagery around abundance, effort and perfection. And for some people, baking, crafting and creating from scratch is a genuine joy.
But for those who’ve felt like they’ve been running since the start of December — or earlier — and are carrying the responsibility of hosting, organising and holding everything together: be kind to yourself.
We really are all doing our best. What matters most at home and at work isn’t whether everything is flawless, but the demeanour we bring and the mental atmosphere we create when we welcome people in.
Dr Brené Brown’s research shows that vulnerability — being willing to show up imperfectly — is a foundation for connection and belonging. Her work suggests that presence and authenticity foster trust far more than striving for perfection ever could.
Research in psychology shows that authentic presence matters more than perfection. Accepting ourselves as we are leads to deeper connection; self-compassion researchers show that self-kindness supports authentic engagement with others; and communication experts highlight how showing up as your true self builds trust and connection.
Leaders who allow themselves to be human create spaces where others can do the same.
Even the Christmas stories many of us return to each year reflect this. It’s a Wonderful Life, one of my favourite classics, reminds us that meaning comes from relationships, kindness and being present in the life we already have, not from having everything look perfect and go to plan.
Simple ways to stay in the moment
If you notice yourself being stressed out by long to-do lists and expectations or anxiety about things that don’t look perfect, a few small practices can help:
Name one thing that’s already good in the moment
Let one thing be “good enough” instead of perfect
Take a slow breath and ground yourself by feeling your feet on the floor before guests arrive
Step outside or into quiet and look up at the sky for a few minutes if things feel overwhelming
If everyone ends up talking and laughing in the kitchen, it’s okay if dinner runs later. Trust the moment.
When we stay locked into the plan in our head, we can become tense, distracted or slightly absent — even while everything looks fine on the surface.
When we follow the energy in the room, we stay present and responsive. That presence is what people feel.
As you move through the festivities, here’s a question to sit with:
What would it look like to fully enjoy the moment you’re in — and trust that your presence is already enough?
And If getting into the spirit of the season helps you slow down, here are a few Christmas movies I love that lean into warmth and connection rather than perfection:
It’s a Wonderful Life
Love Actually
Klaus
Arthur Christmas
The Holiday
Elf
Home Alone
About Time
Miracle on 34th Street
I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season.
