Why Radical Acceptance is the Proven Secret to Resilient Leadership
By Suzie Thoraval
A powerful mindset shift that frees energy for growth in uncertain times
“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there’s got to be a way through it.”
My birthday was this week. Amidst the well-wishes and celebrations, one thought kept circling in my mind: it’s time for radical acceptance.
I’m tired of carrying the weight of “not enough.” I am enough. And it’s time to consistently tune my thoughts and actions into this way of thinking. I know my experience of life — and leadership — will be easier if I do.
Radical acceptance isn’t about letting our standards slip or giving up on growth. It means reclaiming the energy we waste fighting reality and redirecting it toward resilience, influence, and learning. In leadership, especially when the pace of change is relentless, this mindset shift isn’t indulgent. It’s essential.
The problem with resistance
Many leaders I work with feel drained by two battles at once: the external pressures of constant change, and the internal tug-of-war of self-doubt.
For women, that struggle is often intensified. We self-censor. We soften our tone. We worry we’re “too much” — until we’re not enough. And when we do speak with clarity, we sometimes get the feedback to be less assertive.
The result? Leaders who know what to do but hold back, paralysed by the fear of not being enough. Even when we know exactly what to say, we hesitate. We hold back. Paralysed not by a lack of clarity, but by the fear of being misread, misunderstood, or dismissed.
The reset: radical acceptance
Psychologist Dr Marsha Linehan, who pioneered Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), defines radical acceptance as “letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging”.
This doesn’t mean resignation. It means facing life squarely, acknowledging what is, and then deciding how to move forward. Instead of burning energy on wishing things were different, we conserve it for what matters — learning, adapting, and leading. When we stop fighting what is, we reclaim the capacity to influence what can be.
Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion says that people who practise acceptance and kindness toward themselves are more resilient, less prone to burnout, and more likely to take positive risks. In other words, acceptance fuels growth rather than stifling it.
Radical acceptance strengthens adaptive stability
Adaptive stability is about cultivating a steady core and a calm centre, even in uncertain times. Radical acceptance strengthens both resilience and mindset:
Resilience: By accepting reality as it is, we stop fighting un-winnable battles and conserve energy for what we can influence.
Mindset: By accepting ourselves as “enough,” we create a foundation of confidence that makes growth sustainable rather than depleting.
It’s like unclenching a fist you didn’t know you were holding. The release doesn’t mean weakness — it means you’re free to grasp what truly matters.
Examples of radical acceptance
A powerful illustration of radical acceptance came when Jacinda Ardern announced her resignation as New Zealand’s Prime Minister in early 2023. She said simply: “I no longer have enough in the tank to do it justice.”
It wasn’t defeat — it was clarity. Instead of pushing past her limits, she accepted them, and in doing so modelled resilience and authenticity. Her choice demonstrated that real leadership sometimes means stepping back rather than holding on. That act of acceptance reshaped how many people around the world thought about strength — not as endurance at all costs, but as honesty with self.
Actor, Michael J. Fox has lived with Parkinson’s disease for more than three decades, and he’s been clear that acceptance has been central to how he navigates his life and work.
He hasn’t stopped acting, writing, or advocating. Instead, he’s channelled his energy into what he can do — raising over $2 billion through his foundation for Parkinson’s research. His attitude shows us that acceptance isn’t about giving up; it’s about focusing on the path forward.
Radical acceptance in practice
Radical acceptance is a discipline, not a one-off insight. Here are three practical steps:
Notice resistance Where are you saying “this shouldn’t be happening” or “I should be different”? Name the situation without judgment.
Practise the pause Acknowledge reality, breathe, and then ask: Given this is true, what’s my next step?
Replace self-censoring with one act of confident expression This week, choose one meeting or conversation where you’ll express your view clearly, without softening unnecessarily.
Ask yourself:
What part of reality are you resisting right now?
How would your leadership shift if you accepted yourself as “enough” today?
Where are you self-censoring — and what’s one safe space you could practise showing up fully?
A world shaped by acceptance
Imagine workplaces where leaders waste less energy on self-doubt and denial, and more on creativity, strategy, and connection. Imagine women speaking with confidence without apology, and teams seeing that as normal, not transgressive.
That’s the shift radical acceptance makes possible. Not passive. Not complacent. Powerful, resilient, and deeply human.
What possibilities might open up if you stopped resisting reality and redirected that energy into what you can influence?
