Don't Let a Bad Day Break You: Take Back Control
Simple ways great leaders stay calm and confident when it all goes wrong
By Suzie Thoraval
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
Last Friday, I hit one of those days. It started with a sense of overwhelm before I’d even opened my laptop. Then came the dreaded tax task I’d been avoiding. What should have been quick spiralled into a frustrating mess with banks, insurers, and accountants—all speaking different languages and sending me through endless hoops. By the end of the day, my patience was gone, and it felt like I’d made no real progress on what mattered.
It wasn’t one big crisis—it was a cascade of microstresses that coloured the entire day.
As leaders, we’re expected to perform under pressure and stay centred—because how we show up in those moments directly shapes the people and teams around us. When a day starts to spiral, adaptive stability becomes our anchor.
What’s Really Happening When the Microstress Builds?
Our brains are hardwired to keep us safe, constantly scanning for threats. That’s useful if danger looks like a wild animal—not so much when it’s an overflowing inbox or clunky online forms. Even though these aren’t life-threatening, your brain treats them as if they are—keeping you on high alert and quietly draining emotional reserves.
Harvard researchers Rob Cross and Karen Dillon, in The Microstress Effect, found that small, seemingly insignificant stressors—microstresses—often cause the most long-term damage. Because they’re minor, we don’t always notice how much they build up until we’re exhausted or overwhelmed.
While your brain takes in about a billion bits of information every second, it can only consciously process around ten. It runs on autopilot for familiar things. But when the day throws up a string of unexpected challenges, the brain is forced to work harder, leading to cognitive overload. Emotions take the driver’s seat, and clear thinking becomes harder.
The good news? You can interrupt this spiral. Simply noticing what’s happening gives you space to reset before stress takes over. That’s adaptive stability in action.
Leaders Who Know How to Cool the System
Think of yourself like an appliance. When it overheats, it slows down or shuts off to avoid permanent damage. Leaders need the same kind of “cool down” circuit when the pressure rises.
Consider Catherine Livingstone, former Chair of the Commonwealth Bank of Australia and one of the country’s most respected business leaders. She’s known for her strategic calm under pressure and often advocates for a deliberate pause before responding to complex challenges. Her go-to question? “What’s really at stake here?” That simple pause creates space for clarity, rather than letting frustration lead to impulsive decisions.
Similarly, Craig Foster, former Socceroo captain and now a leading human rights advocate, shows how disciplined action and values-based reflection help manage stress in high-stakes situations. Foster openly shares how regular physical activity, a strong sense of purpose, and leaning on trusted networks help him stay grounded—even in the most emotionally charged environments.
Simple Prompts to Re-Centre in the Middle of a Tough Day
When you feel the heat rising, ask:
What’s the most important thing I want to be remembered for today
Am I reacting to the situation—or to the story I’m telling myself about it?
How do I want to show up for the next person I interact with?
And don’t underestimate the power of a physical reset. Step away from your desk—even for five minutes. Get outside, stretch, or take a few slow, intentional breaths. These micro-resets interrupt the stress cycle before it gains momentum and help bring you back to a state where you can think clearly and lead intentionally.
Healthy Coping Strategies That Actually Work
Move your body. A brisk 10-minute walk can lower cortisol and lift your mood. Physical movement helps reset both your body and mind, creating space for clearer thinking.
Name the feeling. Neuroscientist Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “name it to tame it.” Simply saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed,” helps your brain begin to regulate the emotion, calming the emotional centre and bringing your rational thinking back online.
Switch focus. Do one small task you can finish successfully. This taps into behavioural activation, a proven technique that breaks stress cycles and restores motivation.
Reach out. Remember Brené Brown’s wisdom: vulnerability and connection are antidotes to stress. Leaders don’t have to carry it all alone. A quick check-in with a trusted colleague or mentor can help you gain perspective and lighten the emotional load.
Regaining Your Centre
What signals does your body give you when stress starts to build?
How do you typically respond when the day goes off track? Does that help or hinder you?
What small habit could you introduce to reset more quickly in the future?
One Final Reflection…
Every leader faces days when things don’t go to plan. But leadership isn’t about avoiding stress—it’s about how you respond when it shows up.
Psychologists call this resilience through recovery. It’s not about endless toughness; it’s about how effectively you can return to your calm centre after disruption. This ability is what sets sustainable, high-performing leaders apart.
So, when the day starts to spiral, remember: You have the power to pause, reset, and lead from your calm centre. That’s not just surviving the day—that’s leading with resilience, grace, and strength.
And sometimes, that’s the most powerful leadership lesson of all.
Next time stress hits, how will you pause and bring yourself back to calm?
