Stop Doing It All: How Successful Leaders Build Support and Resilience
How great leaders create space for what matters most and open the door for others to shine
By Suzie Thoraval
“We don’t have to do it all alone. We were never meant to.”
For much of my life, I’ve been fiercely independent — solving problems on my own, pushing through challenges, quietly getting on with things so I wouldn’t burden anyone.
As a leader, I often saw my role as twofold: shielding those above me from unnecessary problems and creating a safe space for my team. And while I took pride in that, I’ve come to realise that independence alone won’t get me where I want to go — not in leadership, and not in running my own practice.
These days, every decision, every task, every outcome lands on my shoulders. I love the coaching, speaking, creating, and teaching — but there’s also the admin, the marketing, the strategy, the operations. It’s a lot.
Lately, on my daily walk, I keep noticing a house being built nearby. Every day, there’s visible progress — frames going up, wiring going in, walls being set. I’ve often found myself wishing I could move my own business plans forward as quickly.
Last week, my husband made a comment that hit home:
“At any one time, there are probably eight people working on that house, all keeping it moving forward. You need people in your practice too if you want it to grow.”
He’s right.
We can’t build a house — or a sustainable leadership practice — alone.
Why Asking for Help Makes You Stronger
Many leaders — especially women — feel that asking for help is risky. Studies have shown that women in leadership often face additional pressures to prove their competence and authority, navigating stereotypes that men are more “naturally” suited to leadership.
These dynamics can make women more hesitant to reach out for help, worried it might be seen as a sign of weakness or inability. We think leadership is about holding it all together, showing we’re capable, projecting confidence.
But research says the opposite.
Peter Bregman, writing in the Harvard Business Review, found that leaders who ask for help are seen as more competent and effective — not less. Why? Because asking for help shows humility, emotional intelligence, and a focus on what’s best for the mission, not protecting your own ego.
Importantly, asking for help strengthens adaptive stability — your ability to stay steady, flexible, and clear-headed when the unexpected hits. When you try to carry everything alone, you overload yourself. There’s no room for creativity, no margin for surprises, no capacity for foresight.
But when you share the load, you create space to lead with clarity, calm, and presence.
What We Can Learn from Project Everyone
Kate Garvey, co-founder of Project Everyone (the campaign behind the UN Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs)), understood this deeply.
Having worked on historic initiatives like Live 8 and Make Poverty History, Garvey knew no single leader or small team could drive global change alone. To make the SDGs famous worldwide, she and her team actively invited help — partnering with governments, celebrities, NGOs, media, and companies. Instead of controlling every detail, she encouraged others to co-own the mission.
The result? Global campaigns with massive reach and extraordinary impact. The “Tell Everyone” campaign to disseminate the UN SDGs reached 40% of the world’s population in its first week. The “World’s Largest Lesson” reached over 18 million children across 160 countries giving the next generation the knowledge and tools to drive sustainable change.
Garvey’s success was in relinquishing doing it all herself. She unlocked and harnessed collective power. That’s adaptive stability in action - resilient, flexible, mission-focused.
How Do You Know It’s Time to Ask for Help?
So how can you tell when it’s time to reach out? Sometimes the signs creep in quietly. Here are a few red flags:
You’re firefighting instead of focusing on the work that lights you up.
You keep telling yourself, “I should be able to handle this.” as your to-do list grows longer and your energy drains away.
You’re turning down opportunities simply because you don’t have the capacity.
You’re maxed out, but you keep pushing, thinking that’s what strong leaders do.
Here’s the truth: Leadership isn’t about carrying everything. It’s about knowing what only you can do — and letting others help with the rest.
Where Can You Start to Seek Help?
It’s not about handing off everything; it’s about asking intentionally where help makes the most difference.
Maybe you need to delegate routine tasks that eat up your time but don’t need your unique touch.
Maybe you need to collaborate with someone who brings a fresh perspective, so you’re not stuck trying to solve a tough problem solo.
Maybe you need mentorship or coaching — tapping into the experience of someone who’s navigated similar terrain.
Sometimes, it’s not about people at all; it’s about investing systems, tools, or processes that take work off your plate.
The key is that asking for help isn’t losing control — it’s creating the space to focus on what matters most.
Let’s Reflect
To help you dig a little deeper, pause for a moment and ask yourself:
Where am I holding on too tightly?
What’s one task I could let go of this week?
Who could I reach out to for support or insight?
How would it feel to practise asking for help regularly, not just when I hit a crisis point?
A Final Invitation
If you’re feeling stretched or overloaded, try to keep in mind that asking for help doesn’t weaken your leadership — it strengthens it.
So,here’s my invitation to you this week:
Where can you give yourself permission to ask for help this week?
What new space, clarity, or possibility might open up when you do?
Because no house — and no leader — is built alone.
